SHAKEN & STIRRED
Siem Reap, Saturday 10 March 2010
Shadow Cafe, 08h30
Good morning, good morning. It has been a bumpy ride.
Yesterday was an emotional and existential power ride. Why? God knows, I don't think Human Design has any answers. But I'll check, all the same. My instinct, hmmm, is to look more closely at line 5 of the solar hexagram, SHOCK. But the software, obedient as ever, tells me we are today in line 6 Separation, and I sense, ah, yes, my feeling of now, it is calmer, all is well. Phew.
The Rave I Ching puts it this way, about this morning and all this day - "The power of the ego to meet challenges alone." Will, vitality, and survival when all around is panic and confusion. Now, I have to add, that confuses me a little, how can all the planet have this same energy - someone must be doing all the panic and confusion so that I can feel vitality and ego power against that background? Maybe the power of each different ego, meeting their own specific challenges alone, just makes confusion the way eggs make an omelette? I have to think about this some time, not now, I am still reverberating from emotional energy and experiences, let me tell you about that instead...
Wow, the Earth is now in line 6 Utilisation of hexagram 57 Gentle Intuitive Clarity. Yes, I get what it says, the understanding that rectification is not possible, making the best out of a bad moment and knowing it will pass. Oh YES, this is my day, this morning.
Yesterday? Ah. Another story. And as stories go, a rather juicy one. Oh My Goodness - I just got a blink here, a sense, I think my day actually mapped out the moon transits very precisely, and also, I have to say, rather publicly. Which to blog first, my day, or the transits. My day, start with the human experience, ok?
Yesterday I woke up, feeling something special inside me. In fact my chart was connected up with transits so my normally pentup energies connected where they all want to get to, my throat, that is Human Design. All energies race to the throat, and people called Single Definition Manifestors, have that "lucky" but disastrous connection all the time. For me this is a rare and powerful experience now, like the moment a teenager realises their own potency and place in the world, the ability to act and cause in the world was mine for a couple of hours.
It was time for action, action now, and to hell with the consequences. Co-incidentally it was I think the exact moment of Ra Uru Hu's 62 Birthday, the sun position was aligned to his moment of birth. And here, before me, an opportunity, and I grasped it. I had my wikipedia entry as ready as I could make it, and like releasing a goldfish into the sea, I don't know what I am saying, it was just so fucking profound, and how ridiculous. A few words on a screen. But I placed them into the sacred brothel of Wikipedia Mainspace, knowing, I had genned up all the rules, I knew exactly it was correct on THEIR terms, and I felt really something extraordinary, which I could explain from my chart, but I don't want to bore you too much. I am a curiously different person, somehow, I remembered some magical moments in my life, such as doing my Cambridge finals having done zero work for 3 years until a mad crashing 2 weeks of pure innovative slog, not about knowledge, just HOW to get a degree within the rules of a corrupt and useless system. That was a magical day as well, I nearly got a first in that exam, and it changed my life. From the moment I got a good degree with no actual work, I despised all academics, I loathed the corruption of such a system, such babies, so impressed by nothing, and I sought a social world among people I considered to be more real, more authentic, and without any academic pretensions. Maybe that was a mistake. I have never really found or connected to "my" people, no. And now I realise, there they all are, Mensa and Wikipedia, geeks with badges and from where I am today, they look like zombies, really, take a look at those user pages on wikipedia, they put badges on their userpages like schoolchildren with pocketmoney and no idea what to spend it on.
There, but for the grace of God...
Soon after 10am yesterday morning, the moon moved on and that magical energy flow was gone. I expected it, I felt it, I had Carpayed the Diem, I mean, it just felt so GOOD! I then had the moon where, in 49, Rejection! This connects to my birth chart 19 Neediness, I find a sponsor, or I am rejected by someone who has resources that I need. It is an EMOTIONAL definition, and boy oh boy, what a ride. Emotions can be WONDERFUL. I was drunk. I was elated. I knew, I had come home. Horrible though it is to consider, in the light of day, those jerks on wikipedia, those geeks, head up their arse idiots who think that world online is somehow real, and what a mess out in reality, I expect, all of us, same same, fuck Jesus with a baguette, THESE may be MY people. The people I never found in my life. Shit on toast. Something clicked, it is not comfortable, I just felt, so, like I was home. Among these crap headed morons who think they are clever.
Within minutes of posting my article, someone had added an official looking notice - it is just a code number you add on front of the article, but it looks intimidating. Maybe, it suggested, maybe the references were not solid, please assist with better references or IT WILL BE DELETED. My references were and are solid in fact but my ability as a newcomer to present them was a good beginners effort, but not professional, and there do seem to be professional wikipedians, in their attitude, bless them. It is a worshipful silence of nonsense over there, with belief systems and balderdash so rancid it reeks of urine and wank. Within hours the article was deleted - that was during my evening, and pretty much the whole day was taken up with being aware of this journey.
I was surprised at the violence involved. One wikipedian, ukexpat by username, who has a badge on his wikipage that his native language is sarcasm, informed an official administrator that my article made his "head ache"! Minutes later the article was deleted for suspected commercial interest, what bullshit, and lack of notability. Some boorish idiot called Orangemike, unable to read. He later commented he could not understand my reference to an article in the London Evening Standard, 31 July 2009, what else does the moron need? A spoon?
I am fascinated to think, he is someone with a Human Design, and his actions are surely determined by his own chart and current transits. But I would not trust him to give correct birth data even if I asked him. There is a vicious resistance to new ideas.
ukexpat is a more decent fellow, not yet an admin, but clearly some humour and balance, he will make a good one if he remembers these mistakes yesterday.
Anyway, the crushing brutality, the refusal to keep by the rules, and the sudden imposition of secret rules not available to newcomers, this did leave my body SHAKEN (the original Chinese name for hexagram 21, to be expected) and in line 5, through broadcasting and contact with strangers. Fortunately I have a place deep inside where I observe all this. But my face clearly was set in a way that concerned the Princess. I am not as young as I once was, and I imagine I looked very tired, old and upset. Still, deep inside, I so valued the experience, I wanted some LIFE at last, and this, check my chart, this is MY life. I wanted this, and I feel more alive as ME through this perfection of doing as I WANT in that manifesting moment.
14:39 GMT, that would be nearer 10pm here in GMT+7 land, the moon left hexagram 49, and it was about then that I lost the joy and drunken high - and I would do it AGAIN, any time, every time. This is MY LIFE, sure, I looked a mess afterwards, I got intoxicated on the rush, in my own absurd and ok, delusional, way. I slept soundly. I usually do, but I want to point out, sleeping soundly is a sure indication of release of energy. Am I wrong?
So where did the moon go? Ah that is the punch line. Hexagram 30, the Clinging Fire, the Fates, this is so classic! In this hexagram, you do things correctly to the pattern, and unexpected turns of fate cut the string, your dream and expectation is suddenly cut, lost, gone. The Fates. I have this in my chart. Rather strongly - it is my Design Earth. I am at home in this energy. I relish it, I am this energy, it is my body and blood.
Now to line 6, calmness as the outside world panics, for the Sun today, all day, and intuition making the best of a setback, for the Earth.
Curiously, some struggle this morning. Breakfast, I awoke 6:30, decided to bicycle to the Golden Banana, a delightful boutique hotel, but there were challenges - getting my bicycle, confronted by a new and rather rude staff member unaware that breakfast is available to the public for $5 as well as hotel guests, and then, no internet connection, technical problems. Now my computer suddenly has 20 viruses, popping up, I cannot connect. Yet.
I am going to CHEAT, damn it. I know the moon is next in hexagram 55, Provocation and Spirituality. I have written a provocative letter, turning the wikipedia nonsense into a farce, I can post it here later, we will see, I am just dancing onwards, I am watching my own movie, and aware, I am no longer the supporting cast, I am the central character in my own experience of my own life, now. I taste meat as if for the first time. I am reckless, it is my chart somewhere, that channel of struggle, North Node in Unjustified Risks if I remember correctly...
Watch this space. I predict Human Design will be back on wikipedia very soon, but please understand me, my energy is complete, my part of that story is done, I broke the shell, in some ways, and public collective happenings are likely to emerge into eventness, I predict this. Individual, to tribe, to collective, that is the path of how things become real. My role is all that it is, nothing more, nothing less, there is a team I have never met who have jigsaw pieces of the future history of time and space, and the movie unfolds step by step and day by day.
Love and Magic, I feel something very different in the way I exist and love and love and live and live. Words are so futile sometimes.