I'd better stop before I wet myself

Siem Reap, 12 April 2010   Cocktail House Cafe, 23h   Ah, life. Actually, this year, I have felt more alive, and more ME, than I can remember feeling for so many years. I believe this may be the result of 7 years of Human Design, but it might just be I reached a certain age, a stage of my life, and I am more relaxed and at ease with myself and whatever context I happen to be in.   But truly, if I wanted to say it was Human Design, I have this image in my mind. 7 years ago, nearly 8, I suppose, no, 7 and a half, I was suddenly quite ill. It was that illness - digestion always a mess, and my big brother had his large intestines removed when he was just 20 years old or so, colostomy bag since that age, and I never wanted that, I feared that, I refused to see doctors. And I was ill.   I tried many crazy things, an iridologist told me to eat clay. So I did. No Shit. You can take that literally, no shit.    Finally, no, suddenly, I found Human Design, or Human Design found me, and I was not expecting it to help my health, I just liked the colour in the background of the front cover of the Kindred Spirit Magazine, Autumn 2002. I always liked that colour, and often felt that particular colour magically guides me in my life to good things people and places. Maybe it doesn't. I still like that colour. Pushes my buttons, wow. And that colour brought me to Human Design, in a way.   Then the mathematics, was so beautiful. I loved the way it used the Yi Jing, the wheel, balanced sets of opposites, fractal dialectics, well, that was the ideas already in my mind, I was working on this philosophy and mathematics for myself, called Fractal Dialectics, and Human Design, believe it or knott, is a Fractal Dialectics System. The main difference is that Human Design says each hexagram is exactly an equal size in the wheel, and Fractal Dialectics does not easily have any way to account for equal sizes, it is something you staple on, but not central. Never mind. Too technical.   Anyway, I decided to blow a lot of money, for me, £75, of course I could afford it easily, just I was careful then, children in boarding school, a spendthrift Brazilian trophy wife, just half my age, and the debts of 10 million Luxembourg francs with my first divorce, that I had slowly paid off... I was careful. The astonishing thing is that first reading resolved my health issue. Be in my own aura, I take in toxic energy from the solar plex of my second wife, he did not need to do her chart, he guessed that, and he was right. Forget his name now. Colin, Ian, oh dear me, sieve like a mammary.   Why am I writing all this? Is the moon in Nostalgia. Let's look.   No. No reason. And another thing, what is in the HD transits that have caused all the bloodshed in Bangkok these last days? I don't get it. Bangkok, terrible situation, affected by transits, the rest of the world, not having that same trouble, life as usual for wherever else on the planet. Explain that, Mr Who?   I just thought, if Ra Uru Hu was a doctor, he would be Dr Who.   I am gibbering. Gibbonous fibrology, today, instead of a brain. Do you know, I thought I went blind just now! Geeze Us. I was having one of my Cosmic Connection Massages, what I invented myself, as I do most days now, and 10 customers walked into our shop, and the Princess needed my masseuse, so I was interruptus massajuice. And my right eye was totally blurred. Deeply scary. Deeply worrying. What explanation? No Eyed Dear. Maybe there is some way that a deep spiritual journey does leave your vision blurry, I have heard that, and I certainly go deep in these massages, that is why I invented them. I was thinking, this could change the massage, my Spiritual Experience Massages, I mean, this is what everyone needs in the West, and everywhere, this!   It is also possible that the bean bag, well a small cloth bag filled with rice, was overdosed with too much monkey balm, tiger balm, snake oil, whatever it is that they put in it to smell that way. It is an irritant, and maybe got into my eyelid.   Why am i so dribbly tonight? Masajuice interruptus?   Nurse! Where is my milk!?   Now I am not making any sense at all. So what. Sense is overrated. Who cares about sense. Feel good, that is what is it all about? What? Capital capital capital. Good heavens by jove. I have lost the plot here. Where am I? Who are you people?   Sun is in hexagram something, um, 32, no 42, Get on With It, Finish What You Started, line 3, Trial and Error. The guts to turn mistakes into success. Yeah. Oh I have to say, my wikipedia entry is back, not in "main space", but in my user on wikipedia, where others can edit if they can find it. Meanwhile I have forgotten all my logins for wikipedophile, passwords? Why can't I just sign for it? And internet cafes in Cambodia are blocked from editing wikipedia. So I can't edit it, I can and did inform people on Facebook, here is the page, go and piss in it. Oh dear. Me. What is to become of us?   Ah, here it is, here it is, Earth in 32 Duration, line 3 Lack of Continuity - indecisoin and persistent re-evaluation. Indecision in times of transformation. Yes yes, here I am. Got me. Hic!   Ooh, I just noticed that Mercury the Communicator is in 24, um, and 24 is, what is, Returning, going over and over ideas, line 4, and normally line 4 is a sociable and networking opportunistic energy, but here line 4 of 24 is The Hermit, "transformation that can only take place in isolation... Aloneness enriches the potential for rational thought" CALL THIS RATIONAL THOUGHT? No way.   But it is going over and over, alone, ah here is the detriment, this is me, now: "The tendency in isolation to live in a fantasy world. Aloneness encourages the potential of illusion or delusion." Hic! I am so drunk on how I am in this moment.   Oh there is much to say, I will stop here, before I wet myself.