Volcanic Ash? Seems ten thousand kilometers away.

Phnom Penh, 19 April 2010

17h, Mekong River Cafe

I am rather enjoying the volcanic ash cloud disruption. So my sincere apologies to all those whose lives are disrupted, but here I am stuffing my face with lamb chops and coffee, on the bank of the Mekong river, and Phnom Penh seems a happier town than when I have been here before.

I just replied to someone on wikipedia, he (or she?) is just a number, no name given, but very active in editing the embryonic article and also advising me. I think these wikigeeks basically have a good heart, shame about the belief in concepts and truth, oh, I had all that beaten out of me with successive tragedies and absurd moments of my ludicrous and unlikely life. There is no order in the mathematics of a splash, and the mathematics of paint splashing is truly the mathematics of reality. What is profoundly and disturbingly absurd, is that human design (over at wikipedia, Capital Letters are reserved for the Pope, and the Queen (= the rock group) etc) or Human Design, wgaf (=Hu Gives a Truck) seems able to map some of this mathematics of flow and reality as a dance of consciousness in material bubbles.

Ah, life. Volcanic ash, just look at the map, dare I copy it from the BBC, yes I dare, the ash burst forth in quiet and polite neighbour to Europe, Iceland, such a nice country, never did anything like this before, except mess up the financial system and go bankrupt, and all that Gaia puss and grey vomit headed straight for the UK and then washed on to the EEC. Oh my! Reminds me of the diagrams my Geography Teacher father made to show the flow of winds on the planet. The earth is rotating, so the winds all get caught in the what the planet rotates, and the convection of the hot tropics and the colder poles. Ash from Iceland, no choice, the UK and then the EEC, oh dear, but funny if you are not personally affected.

I am personally effected, unless Paris airport is declared open to Thai flight 930 from Bangkok tomorrow night. But I can quite happily stay on here for a couple of days, for the princely sum of $15 a night, I have a pleasant room in the Dara Reang Sey Hotel, near the riverfront. Ah, lazy days.

Only they are not. We are here, the Princess and baby and I, to get printing. But mummy is ill, so the Princess has gone to her province and her mother seems ok for now, on a drip, which is all the local doctors know to do here, and the family lotus farm, I hear, is delightful. Lotii are in a taxi heading back my way at this very moment.

Hexagrams Schmexagrams, I cannot be energised to muck with all that today. I am delighted to be graphic, designing, step by step the image for our promotion is getting better and better, I remain hopefull we will indeed Suck Seed where others merely wonder Wai, I am loving my life for the first time in many many years.

It is just so pleasant here today and no, it is not different, I, I, I am different, I suppose. Or is the world dancing?

Taxi to Pong Ping Thom

Pong Ping Thom, Cambodia, 18 April 2010

12h30, American Cafe

I hope I don't get ill. Now there is a stupid thought to have. I remain healthy and well. Here we are stopped en route for Pnomm Penn, to spell it correctly, as opposed to the French spelling more usually used.

I love opposites, contradictions in flow, and I found a real whopper here. The American Cafe, Pong Ping Thom. The most disgusting toilets, and kitchen and general look to the place, I had forgotten Cambodia is in the developing world, with all the new and very clean places in Siem Reap now. And in this dirt, a New Yorker has created what probably is original pizza and original home made ice cream, I think I'll give it a miss. The omelette and chips will suit me, and Vietnamese coffee? Here goes...

Well, the chips seem ok, but the oil on the plate after I have eaten the omelette looks rather brown. The princess took one look at the toilet and left for a local but classier place. Ah the coffee is as it says, Vietnamese, different flavour, but nothing mucked about with, as too often the case locally. Just coffee beans and hot water, that is ok.

I have notices a different soul in all of the world these last couple of days. I do not know how else to say it, there is no word suitable. The moment I reaslised was last night, getting back late to the shop, and sure, it looks good now, the lighting and the expensive oil paintings on the walls, the piano playing Chopin in reception, and there was just a happy glow in customers and staff, a genuine family feeling that you sometimes see in old fashioned movies, that easy, happy, joy, of people at home and contented.

I am a believer, it says so in my chart, but I struggled to realise what that meant until now I suppose. I do believe, I want and need to. A better age is coming, I so need that, my life was so challenging, and always that question, why, why, why me? Why my life with these setbacks, and why the constant protection too, I had enough money, I was cherished by the Gods to survive relatively comfortably whilst alienated socially for my autism, and I now realise, for my Human Design aura.

It is definitely time to emerge from my Chrysalis and fly.

Maybe I am a sixth line being after all.

Whilst waiting for (or delaying?) the taxi this morning, I put a stink bomb in wikipedia. We will see. I just felt, ah, I will do this. NOW.

So many planetary changes these last days, every commentator is out of their dust jackets and claiming a different planet is changing our world. Too rushed to quote any or remember it, just there is a sea change, I feel it.

More later

Taxi is waiting

---------------------------------

El Mundo Cafe, Phnom Penh, 18h33

As a rule, I dislike Phnom Penh. But today I sense some progress here, little details, where it is settling down as well as exploding and falling apart. Anyway, the contradictions that I love, these are just now very apparent with the Princess. We have discussed this a little, and there is something in what we to together, that seems AMAZING, and also what other people want, it is fascinating. As Mahalo, the artist, I never sold a single painting. $16,000 spent, on the Mahalo Cambodia project, of course some say I am just deranged, delusional, and unable to do anything in the world. A lot of people say the same thing about the Princess. But meeting an old friend here in Phnom Penh, my faithful driver Mr Marra, Phnom Penh 0123 67769, tuktuk driver, taxi driver, motorcycle taxi, 10 years Buddhist monk and now this, I always say, and I've known him 5 years now, Buddha is with us when we drive through the mad and dangerous PP traffic. Anyway, he
knows me some years, with my enthusiasms, as someone once called them, aways spending money, on artistic this and that, lovely stuff, and never ever is anyone going to repay me, spend anything on anything that I do, I am or have always been just a colourful and rather eccentric, harmless, curiosity. Also back in the UK, ask the manager at www.printing.com in Ashford, Mike always spent so much on arty printing, never got any bizness sense.

Something magical is happening, I sense it in the world, and those changes in the planets recently, perhaps - oh I am just delusional again, perhaps. 5/2 profile, delusional by nature nothing to cure it. But there is something that created in the opposite ways of the Princess and I, and people like it. Oh, by the way, I have a few weeks more with the transit of blah blah in boo boo making the channel of Succeeding Where Others Fail, and Failing Where Others Suck Seed.

I have to book my ticket to Toulouse, my hotel in Paris, and you know, maybe the ash cloud over Europe will affect my flight, nobody is sure, but for now Paris and most of the other European airports remain closed. I think I may just get the travel agent to bother Thai airways about this tomorrow, until I get some answer. I kind of sense I will be stuck in PP a little longer. With the Princess driving me crazy...

Ciao for Now

Navigating Co-incidence

Navigating Coincidence

Siem Reap, 17 April 2010

Tigre de Papier Restaurant, 13h33

Co-incidence is on my mind, and for me, co-incidence is the central concept and reality of Human Design. And this is where Mahalo says something unique and I believe different to anyone else.

It just seems logical to me.

Take this example. I am flying to Europe, needed a ticket from some place in Asia to some place in Europe, and I am really flexible. There is no direct flight from Siem Reap to London, or Toulouse, which is where I plan to be first. I just followed my flow, and finally a few days back, after going into the travel agent twice and him saying, come back another day, he had the most amazing price and ticket. Phnom Penh, change planes in Bangkok, Thai Air all the way to Paris. Perfect, and just $1000, return, flexible return date, everything I wanted. I really wanted to get to Paris instead of London, just Paris in Springtime, I want some romance, some je ne sais quoi, and also I get to see my son in Toulouse while he is still on school holidays.

The fact is the ticket was suddenly available, and only for that day and place, something to do with the political violence in Bangkok. We will see if I actually get all the way, but my intuition is happy, Bangkok airport is still operating fine, I can transit there no problem. I also get to spend a couple of days in Phnom Penh, hate the place, but need to see printers and other supplies for the shop. So all is good.

Now there is a volcanic ash cloud over Europe, I thought Paris was ok, but it looks like high pressure is holding the ash where it is and all flights to Paris and London are cancelled. There is no way I could get that ticket at that price, forget it, everyone is rescheduled. I am sure it will be a crowded flight, and all European airports are closed for several days and there will be a large backlog of passengers. Probably someone will offer me money to delay my journey, we will see...

If I get through and happy, then I say co-incidence got me into a window to get a ticket, I simply could not find one today, you see.

I've always known the secret of having a better life. It is so simple. You just need to be in the right place at the right time. Read any autobiography, they all agree. They were just lucky. Others were not.

Human Design brings a better relationship with co-incidence, or it brings nothing.

It was the central feature of my life until recently, "brain the size of a planet" to quote H2G2, but situations always were unusually not as expected. Of course, with my Design Sun in hexagram 30, well, that may have something to do with it.

Then the moment I started my PHS diet, coincidences, oh boy.

The new beings predicted by Human Design, horribly called Raves, I call them Homo Omnisciens, these new beings will appear to master coincidence in ways that leave the rest of us astounded. I am sure of this. Every aspect of Human Design points to it.

We will see.

Let The Insemination Begin

== Let The Insemination Begin... ==

Darth Vader laughter, sinister music... Not Darth Vader, Dr Evil from Austin Powers, THAT IS THE LAUGH we need as we read on...

The very fabric of all wikipedia is under threat TODAY from ME! And others, cut me down, others will spring up, in their dozens, then hundreds, then millions, some of them in human bodies... whoops, I am whimsical today, it's just me, being me, but seriously, folks..

TWO IDEAS HERE REALLY

1. Other WIKI articles will have sections added WHEN Human Design is in Shopping Hour's "widely accepted" stage of truth. When Human Design is widely accepted, there will be small bits added in the different sections of wikipedia, to say, Ra Uru Hu and others propose this model of Human Behaviour and this and that. It will be a lot of work, by many people.

Fly, my beauties, fly!

IDEA NUMBER 2: THE BOOK THE BOOK THE BOOK

Ok, I want to write this. I know from my chart, I cannot initiate, I can only respond, and I wait NO LONGER! The bull has shat, the worm has returned, or something. Oh, it is such a damn effort to stay serious and focussed these days, I need a neck massage instead of all this tiresome thinking... sigh...

The BOOK the world wants and needs, and that various publishers are thinking, where is a better book, a bester selling book, on this what is it called again, Human Design? Where is that Digital Witchdoctor, and that Mike Mahalo, who posted on those forums on the web? Maybe he can write something.

The Title, I propose, as I may actually write it, I soppose I at least get to name it;;

''HUMAN DESIGN EXPLAINED''

Yes, I know, a contradiction, trust me, I can handle it. If anyone can. I can handle the fact that it must be experienced not explained, you do want someone like me who is able to dance with contradictions to write such a book. Human DEsign Explained

And HERE is my idea - inspired by Robert Kiyosaki. He wrote the worlds first online book, which means what? He wrote each chapter and the public, well private subscribers to his website, commented and gave feedback, updates, proof reading, allowing a much faster, more grass roots, and powerful book. It was free online during development, and STILL gave him 2 top ten bestsellers New York Times list.

TWO!

I want the same idea. I hear your disbelief. Sod you. Sniff. I CAN DO THIS!

I have a plan.

A cunning plan.

Here it is. EYE write the book specifically and basically to provide wikipedia with necessary citations, explicitly, the worlds first wikipedia guided book. I actually write the chapters here on wikipedia, we can sort out the ownership and all that later, who cares? Yes, I want recognition, see my damn HD chart, but this idea is so KOOL - use wikipedia user space to write a book!!! Actually HERE. Wai Knott?

================================
Siem Reap 16 April 2010, Khmer New Year day 3 of the celebrations. Above, written in the Shadow of Angkor, 9am., Below, written in the Blue Pumpkin, 8 am. All square that ends square.

Mahalo

=====================

alterations I propose to [[Personality Psychology]] can someone advise on references citations please?

Personality Psychology - traits --

Ra Uru Hu, Genoa Bliven, Richard Rudd, Chetan Parkyn, and other published authors in the field of [[Human Design]], propose a nested set of opposite personality traits, hard-wired into each individual and revealed consistently by a complex calculation derived from the date time and place of birth.

Personality Psychology - Human Design

Ra Uru Hu, Chetan Parkyn, and others have mapped a new system of personality "types" and "traits" within these types, known as the Human Design System. Human Motivation consists of 6 possible categories, arranged as 3 opposite binary pairs - Fear opposed to Need, Hope opposed to Duty, and Greed opposed to Observation. These are also called personality colors, and numbered from 1 to 6. Most people tend to polarise to the exact opposite ot their own natural and immutable motivation, effectively living a false and chaotic life.

The six personality colors alternate between active and passive, and so each opposite pair has one active and one passive polarity.

1, Fear - is the motivation to accumulate resources for survival in the face of unpredictable change. The polarity is 4. Need, the motivation to "travel light", and accumulate only what is necessary for survival in each moment.

2. Hope - is the motivation to notice what needs to be fixed and do nothing about it. The polarity is 5. Duty, the urge to fix things.

3. Desire - is the motivation to get whatever you want in life. The polarity is 6. Observation, the motivation to witness and wait.

Illegitimi non carborundum

Siem Reap, 13 April 2010.   Shadow of Angkor cafe, 14h00   It is Khmer New Year, here in Cambodia, and everyone shuts shope for 3 days or more, everyone has to go home to Mummy. Our shop will be open with a skeleton staff, a bit bony for the massage, ok, but the customers here are Asian, they like things different. And they will for sure only spend $7 a massage, we need 20 customers a day to pay costs, send us a miracle, if you have shamanic or priestly powers, go right ahead and whisper Lemongrass Garden Spa Siem Reap, on the Astral Planes.   Talking of aeroplanes, I have finally booked my flight, my escape. For some reason, Thai airways have really low prices just now, why would that be? Oh is it that they just found out that the dozen "red shirts" killed in political protests these last few days, were shot by real bullets in the backs of their heads. As the government was using only rubber bullets from the front of the demontrations, this is unpleasant to hear. Bangkok is not stable right now, the red shirts offer a million baht for the scalp of the Prime Minister... it is back to tribal ideas, the scape goat, a goat you pick to carry all sins out of your tribe and into the desert.   I have posted on Facebook, so where in Human Design are the explanations, the specific transits, to say why Bangkok has unrest, while the rest of the planet is pretty much as normal.   Meanwhile the Sun has got his hat on, tra la la la lah, and it continues to be well in the forties Celsius here in Siem Reap, very very hot. I have a flight to Paris, oooh la la! Just $1000 return from Phnom Penh, flexible return date, cannot argue with that, Thai Airways superfast jet from Bangkok, next week. Red shirts, Yellow shirts, Pink shirts, I just need the airport to function normally for transit passengers.   And talking of transits, the Sun is in line 3 today Trial and Error, of hexagram 42 Increase, the Gate of Growth. Yes there is a hexagram for that embarrasing mole on your backside. And talking of moles, let's dig a little deeper into what this means. "In times of increase, mistakes are a natural part of the process." Well well well. Hear hear. Jolly Good Show. Capital Capital. I have a little sideshow, subplot, backstory, here, I put an article, or stub as the cigarette smokers over at wikipedofilia like to call it. Topic Human Design, and within a couple of hours, against all wikipolicy, the article was removed, the text totally not for anyone to see, and the name Human Design deemed unfit for any future articles on wikiprattia. Yesterday the Sun was in line 2 Identification, Power for Growth, participation and recognition of new trends, and DutchMike the admin who destroyed my article, released the text back to my private user space. Hoorah, for boorishness. I expect he has a small cock. It is people like that who need to impress others with how powerful they are and they need to make newcomers feel small.   Illegitimi non carborundum. Or in this case -   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illegitimi_non_carborundum     The day before was line 1 Diversification - Surplus resources leading to activities beyond what you normally do. Uhuh.   Tomorrow the Sun will be in line 4, The Middle Man - "The maturity to bring growth through mediation"   There is no sea in mediation. Nurse! Medication!   I give it 3 days. The we will be in line 6 Nurturing - "The power to share the process of growth with others." All quotes, unless otherwise inline cited - a wikiterm wikicoined to wikimean something to do with inline skating, a dance using roller blades, that is neither exciting, inciting, but just cited. A bit like putting up a tent.   Talking of tents... I think I need a shoulder massage. My muscles. All this wikifying makes my muscles tense, I could rent them out and I'd have a camp site.   Now we are back to wikipedia. Depends what you mean by camp I suppose.

I'd better stop before I wet myself

Siem Reap, 12 April 2010   Cocktail House Cafe, 23h   Ah, life. Actually, this year, I have felt more alive, and more ME, than I can remember feeling for so many years. I believe this may be the result of 7 years of Human Design, but it might just be I reached a certain age, a stage of my life, and I am more relaxed and at ease with myself and whatever context I happen to be in.   But truly, if I wanted to say it was Human Design, I have this image in my mind. 7 years ago, nearly 8, I suppose, no, 7 and a half, I was suddenly quite ill. It was that illness - digestion always a mess, and my big brother had his large intestines removed when he was just 20 years old or so, colostomy bag since that age, and I never wanted that, I feared that, I refused to see doctors. And I was ill.   I tried many crazy things, an iridologist told me to eat clay. So I did. No Shit. You can take that literally, no shit.    Finally, no, suddenly, I found Human Design, or Human Design found me, and I was not expecting it to help my health, I just liked the colour in the background of the front cover of the Kindred Spirit Magazine, Autumn 2002. I always liked that colour, and often felt that particular colour magically guides me in my life to good things people and places. Maybe it doesn't. I still like that colour. Pushes my buttons, wow. And that colour brought me to Human Design, in a way.   Then the mathematics, was so beautiful. I loved the way it used the Yi Jing, the wheel, balanced sets of opposites, fractal dialectics, well, that was the ideas already in my mind, I was working on this philosophy and mathematics for myself, called Fractal Dialectics, and Human Design, believe it or knott, is a Fractal Dialectics System. The main difference is that Human Design says each hexagram is exactly an equal size in the wheel, and Fractal Dialectics does not easily have any way to account for equal sizes, it is something you staple on, but not central. Never mind. Too technical.   Anyway, I decided to blow a lot of money, for me, £75, of course I could afford it easily, just I was careful then, children in boarding school, a spendthrift Brazilian trophy wife, just half my age, and the debts of 10 million Luxembourg francs with my first divorce, that I had slowly paid off... I was careful. The astonishing thing is that first reading resolved my health issue. Be in my own aura, I take in toxic energy from the solar plex of my second wife, he did not need to do her chart, he guessed that, and he was right. Forget his name now. Colin, Ian, oh dear me, sieve like a mammary.   Why am I writing all this? Is the moon in Nostalgia. Let's look.   No. No reason. And another thing, what is in the HD transits that have caused all the bloodshed in Bangkok these last days? I don't get it. Bangkok, terrible situation, affected by transits, the rest of the world, not having that same trouble, life as usual for wherever else on the planet. Explain that, Mr Who?   I just thought, if Ra Uru Hu was a doctor, he would be Dr Who.   I am gibbering. Gibbonous fibrology, today, instead of a brain. Do you know, I thought I went blind just now! Geeze Us. I was having one of my Cosmic Connection Massages, what I invented myself, as I do most days now, and 10 customers walked into our shop, and the Princess needed my masseuse, so I was interruptus massajuice. And my right eye was totally blurred. Deeply scary. Deeply worrying. What explanation? No Eyed Dear. Maybe there is some way that a deep spiritual journey does leave your vision blurry, I have heard that, and I certainly go deep in these massages, that is why I invented them. I was thinking, this could change the massage, my Spiritual Experience Massages, I mean, this is what everyone needs in the West, and everywhere, this!   It is also possible that the bean bag, well a small cloth bag filled with rice, was overdosed with too much monkey balm, tiger balm, snake oil, whatever it is that they put in it to smell that way. It is an irritant, and maybe got into my eyelid.   Why am i so dribbly tonight? Masajuice interruptus?   Nurse! Where is my milk!?   Now I am not making any sense at all. So what. Sense is overrated. Who cares about sense. Feel good, that is what is it all about? What? Capital capital capital. Good heavens by jove. I have lost the plot here. Where am I? Who are you people?   Sun is in hexagram something, um, 32, no 42, Get on With It, Finish What You Started, line 3, Trial and Error. The guts to turn mistakes into success. Yeah. Oh I have to say, my wikipedia entry is back, not in "main space", but in my user on wikipedia, where others can edit if they can find it. Meanwhile I have forgotten all my logins for wikipedophile, passwords? Why can't I just sign for it? And internet cafes in Cambodia are blocked from editing wikipedia. So I can't edit it, I can and did inform people on Facebook, here is the page, go and piss in it. Oh dear. Me. What is to become of us?   Ah, here it is, here it is, Earth in 32 Duration, line 3 Lack of Continuity - indecisoin and persistent re-evaluation. Indecision in times of transformation. Yes yes, here I am. Got me. Hic!   Ooh, I just noticed that Mercury the Communicator is in 24, um, and 24 is, what is, Returning, going over and over ideas, line 4, and normally line 4 is a sociable and networking opportunistic energy, but here line 4 of 24 is The Hermit, "transformation that can only take place in isolation... Aloneness enriches the potential for rational thought" CALL THIS RATIONAL THOUGHT? No way.   But it is going over and over, alone, ah here is the detriment, this is me, now: "The tendency in isolation to live in a fantasy world. Aloneness encourages the potential of illusion or delusion." Hic! I am so drunk on how I am in this moment.   Oh there is much to say, I will stop here, before I wet myself.

Voodoo from the planet Wikipedia?

Voodoo from the planet Wikipedia   Siem Reap, Sunday 11 April 2010   I am rather spooked out. Voodoo from planet Wikipedia? The Wikipedians send their psychic shaman to mess with my laptop.   Now, I should say, I was brought up in the days when your SIGNATURE was your identification. This is no longer the case, but throughout childhood I was PROMISED over and over, this signature thing is all you need to identify yourself, yes there are a few CROOKS and bad bad criminals who fake signatures, and wow, how bad that is and we torture them with rusty fingernails, and lock them in the Tower of Birmingham. All bullshit. Pass words, piss worlds.   No, I am not cut out for this Digital Age, I am a Digital Witchdoctor, a Shaman, by nature, unrecognised, unlicensed, no apprenticeship was there for me, I am uncomfortable in the digital age. OK I worked in computers professionally for many years, weigh back when 4/6 was not a Human Design Profile. It was what you paid for a GALLON of petrol.   Grumpy Old Man Day. Look, there was this wikipedia fuss, read all about it, ok, the R Soles did not play fair, I had a great time, and it was CORRECT, I felt so ALIVE and so JOYOUS - what is the comment Ra Uru Hu made on PissBook yesterday? Let me find that. http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=571874860   Ra Uru Hu on Facebook - evening of 10 April here in Asia: "Futile actions, irrational justifying of mistakes and negative projections by others are some of today's conditioning themes. Trust Your Strategy and Authority and Love Yourself."   He has this knack of hitting the snail on the bed.   Anyway.   Do you notice the calmness that follows reading Ra? You noticed that. It is like SOMEONE has spoken, real power. You just stop. I do. I have to tell you a story. It was winter 2002-2003, some time, and Ra actually replied to my first email to him, all I remember is his automated signout - Love Yourself. It was a revelation. My mind went into a deep mind spin.   Logically, if he is some kind of guru, then he has given me that instruction, with mystical power, and it is more powerful than just words from my mother or whatever. Well, my mother always told me the opposite, utter shit of a mother, utter utter shit. As a mother. As a person, ok. But never mind. All I got was that I was ugly stupid no good, there I was clutching my degree from Cambridge convinced but I am really stupid, this is false, I knew because mummy and everyone else told me. Autism. It is called Aspergers Syndrom, and I have it. I never got that people tell lies, I still have to double think myself into that, why why why, what is the purpose, really? People just do that? No! Really. Every damn day I have this, by 5pm, or so, I suddenly realise, o m g. People tell lies. Fucking Aspergers Syndrome, Never Mind.   I decided that day, look, it is IRRELEVENT is this man is a guru or not. I can placebo all that. Personal History by hypnosis. Convince myself that Jesus/Buddha/whoever, does not matter, someone I HAVE TO LISTEN TO has just instructed me, with the power of all that is beyond here, LOVE THY SELF.   And I suppose, that day, and more and more since then, I did.   End of story.   Where was I, Who am I, rambling too much today. I am distressed, you know, 14 dead in Bangkok, I just got out of there. Tourist street Cow Sand Road, everything smashed. So much anger and blood there. It is close to here. No threat, nobody there will bother with Cambodia. But still. My heart is stretched, bruised, and broken, dispirited by this news last knight and this morning. Never mind, zombie world, people are sleep walking into violence and there is nothing for me to do - I do not really believe prayers will help, but I cannot help it, I send love and healing with all my heart to Bangkok, and the whole planet right now. Angels, Are You There?   Probably knott.   Sew. Yesterday, I cannot get back to wikipedia, nor online, this virus, these viruses on my Samsung NC10, shitty little mistake, that box, oh dear, I could hardly breathe for Antivirus messages all the time. Blocking everything. So off the internet, I scanned the whole computer. A few virus files found and deleted, but, these viruses were probably in the part of the system that does wifi, and from that moment no wifi. Wifi internet connection has gone from the Desktop, from the Control Panel, from everywhere, this laptop no longer has any idea, what is why fry?   Voodoo from Wikipedia fried my effing laptop? Damn them.   Out comes the trusty old Sony Vaio, here I am , now. On the Vaio. Good working animal. Just very old. Sleek machine. But passwords? Oh dear me, and with my Human Design, with my channel of Struggle, as a sacral being, I do not FEEL I want to do all the complications, to find that wikipedia password for Mike Mahalo. Finally I make a new wikipedia ID, Digital Witchdoctor. I post a brief message, I want to complete the article started, can it be undeleted.   No damn reply. This is bullying, this is fascism. Let the newbie know, he is small, we are powerful. Shitty military camp, stench of smelly stupidity.   I still have not decided, shall I trace my password as Mike Mahalo, or not. Yes, they offered to help me now, but I am SPOOKED. Sacral? And I realised something very very odd and profound. About my split definition.   As a child, well in the UK there was an 11+ exam, every child was tested by the government, and my life changed. I found that test too easy, I completed it rapidly and sat watching a room full of other kids struggling, licking their pencils, I so remember, oh well, I am stupid, what to expect, I did that test wrong. I came top. Free education, the most expensive school, government will pay. Christ. Must be a mistake, never mind. Daddy is happy, free education, I could choose any school, perhaps stupidly, I chose the one where my Dad was a teacher, never mind, it seemed right, I was just a kid. I did not know the politics, the problems, later my mother told me, the headmaster called her and made an offer, the year before, they had failed me at the entrance exam there, the deal was my father left the school (he was unpopular - autistic genius, like me), and I get the exam result. She basically told him the 1960s equivalent of Fuck You. One year later the government paid my fees, nobody told me this story, I just got the bad energy from staff and from my first day, dreadful bullying by the sixth form, the prefects, and within days my own classmates. It is called the Channel of Struggle, 28-38, in my chart. I still have it. I am one sensitive soft undercooked being, even now.   So from 12 years old the world decided I was a genius, the teachers and my class mates and family, said, no. Stupid little freak. OK. Just stop hurting me, ok.   Ah, childhood was a very hard time. Adulthood was also. "Life, don't talk to me about life" (H2G2). But again, when the exams came the little weirdo did well, always. Teachers stupendified. Idiot in class. Genius in the exam room. I just knew the answers. Weirdest thing.   So I am saying, my Human Design Chart has this deep split, intellect and guts, and over the years, this intellect defined me, confined me, and I coined the name Digital Witchdoctor at Cambridge one day, after hearing the Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy (H2G2) joke about Digital Watches, in fact. www.digitalwitchdoctor.com, I own it but it is a symbol, recently, of that intellect, that denial of ME, that oh Mike Is So Clever bullshit, when my truth, in my Human Design Chart, was atrophied, hidden. I became Mahalo. I compromised into Mike Mahalo, but I became these guts, these balls, this spleen, Mahalo.   Finally on wikipedia, Mike Mahalo has no place. I know my own spleen and guts and balls, no fucking idea of intellect. I flip from university professor, intellectuality, to suck my cock, dance with me, grill me some salmon, hug me, love me, be with ME. Mahalo.   And just creating the login at wikipedia, Digital Witchdoctor, the intellect was back, untainted by the sacral of my truth. I remain a little confused and lost. I want to marry these two together, more than anything I ever wanted, more than all my life seeking someone OUT THERE, a partner, a lover, I want myself connected up   That was the energy of the moment when I posted the wikipedia article, see the blog that day, see the chart, if I can link it again, I plan to do that here. Maybe I will impersonate the Digital Witchdoctor again, it is all masks, look at the bloody symbol, a Venetian Carnival mask. And as always with me, Yin And Yang stirred and twisted, always the black and the white, contradictions in flow.       SHIT. I also lost my password for my email.   What to do.